Mo Money
Joined: Jul 19, 2002
# Posts: 55
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Posted: 08/04/2002 07:21 pm
80) - Make sure and put tons of animated gifs on all of your pages! People hate it when theres so much stuff moving around and distracting them (PERFECT!)[ad deleted]
[Note: This message has been edited by Janet Berg]
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nickn0783
Joined: Mar 26, 2002
# Posts: 1371
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Posted: 08/06/2002 04:35 am
81) Attatch Viruses to all downloads on your site, those worthless users (the ones that are worth keeping will have a good enough AntiVirus program to detect and block the infiltrating virus... these are the only visitors worth bothering with!).82) Place your navigation in random places from page to page. 83) Make users go into a section of your site, then have to come back up to the home page to access the next section due to sub-standard navigation. They are the dedicated users you want! 84) Automatically pick up the users email address then use it for marketing purposes via an non-unsubscribable newsletter! Why stop there - sell the emails to other companies to spam your annoying visitors with too! 85) Make every sentance and bit of text a link to somewhere in your site. This is utter GENIUS people will get so confused as to what to click on, they won't know where they are or how they got there. See msn.com 86) Make all the alt texts in images consist of about 50 highly irrelevant keywords. To be as annoying as you can layout should look like: keyword1, keyword2, keyword3, keyword4, keyword5, keyword6, keyword7... etc. You could even repeat them if you can't think of any more. People and Search Engines will absolutely love you for it. Expect to see many return visits from the visually impaired!
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nickn0783
Joined: Mar 26, 2002
# Posts: 1371
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Posted: 08/09/2002 06:01 am
DeeZine - "This guy's got it down to a fine art"Yep that stinks its Aminos 'special' design that does it you know 
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sthenri200
Joined: Jul 05, 1999
# Posts: 395
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Posted: 08/15/2002 01:58 pm
They don't do it now but for a long time an airline made you sign up for their frequent flyer program and get a membership number BEFORE you could view the fares on their website. You would, go to fares, enter all your information and then at the end, find out you will receive a card in the mail and then you can come back and view the fares.Otherwise you had to call and be put on hold for an hour and ask for the fares. Am I allowed to say which airline? Probably not, luckily they changed it this year.
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illicious
Joined: Aug 19, 2002
# Posts: 1
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Posted: 08/19/2002 08:52 am
87) Watch this thread in horror as i need to make all these changes.
[link snipped should be in your profile]
[ Message was edited by: xelA 03/21/2003 01:01 pm ]
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DeeZign
Joined: Feb 27, 2001
# Posts: 117
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Posted: 08/26/2002 08:15 pm
Your #85 nickn0783 is right on the mark! If there's a mistake to make on a website nobody does it like microsloppy  88) People have been known to bookmark a page and try to return to it, sometimes years later. To ensure that links break as quickly as possible do what Microsloppy does... Keep moving your site content around especially if you have downloads. Always use the version number in the file name and the page title. Whenever you think a couple of pages aren't in the right place navigationally, add another domain or sub-domain for them!
Combine this with #85 and you'll have the most confusing site on the entire Internet!
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Popped In Crashed Out
Joined: Eons Ago
# Posts:
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Posted: 08/28/2002 02:13 pm
Lol, pressed the wrong damn button.Damn I hate when I do that...... Anyways, as I was saying, ty to Dee for showing this place to me, given me more than a few giggles. And...is my site really that annoying?
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cmhc
Joined: Aug 29, 2002
# Posts: 1
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Posted: 08/29/2002 12:41 am
I believe more webmasters need to use the "uncloseable pop-up windows" advertising gimmick. I don't know about anyone else but..... I get this warm fussy feeling when I get to use the (CTL + ALT + DEL) function! Just to close that much wanted advertisement.
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nickn0783
Joined: Mar 26, 2002
# Posts: 1371
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Posted: 08/29/2002 01:02 am
cmhc - try 'Alt + F4' its much quicker  Popped In Crashed Out - Yeah, sorry bud, but your site has some very annoying features at the moment. It makes it kinda hard to read. I got another one... 90) Those new flash adverts that come up within the same browser but hover over the website. You cant close it 'till it's have finished (even though you've already seen it several times that day) and it ALWAYS seems to hover right over the freakin link that you want to click on. I mean though, they are great! What commical mastermind thought of that? I want to give him/her a nice BIG pat on the back [with a sledge hammer!]
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Popped In Crashed Out
Joined: Eons Ago
# Posts:
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Posted: 08/29/2002 09:24 am
Lololololol DeeI'll see what I can do about the site (although I would prefer suggestions, lol). Btw, I've thought of something annoying aswell...... Those damn so called "free" sites that require you to enter everything about yourself (well, everything except your DNA type) before you can use any of the services (see Breathe.com's "free sms service"). Btw dood, I can lend you my sledge hammer if you like?, on the condition that I can watch.
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claudia_thompson
Joined: Nov 02, 2002
# Posts: 2
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Posted: 11/02/2002 07:13 am
One other thing that the no right click function prevents people from doing is that you can't right click and create a chortcut to your desktop for their site so you can find it easy in the future. After I haven't cleared out my Bookmarks or Favorites list for a while, sometimes if I really like a site I will just right click and create a short cut to my desktop so I can later find the site and then add to my bookmarks later when there is room for it. Ive for so many things on my favorites right now that if I added anything else I'd never be able to find it. But I do have the no right click code on my site right now... and am thinking of taking them all off the pages.Claudia
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excell
Moderator
Joined: Mar 19, 2001
# Posts: 14502
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Posted: 11/02/2002 07:25 am
Hi Claudia, yes it is one of the most annoying things to have the normal usage of your computer taken away from you! Welcome to the forums.
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eric
Joined: Oct 25, 2000
# Posts: 10
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Posted: 01/29/2003 03:55 pm
91) Use cute images for your navigation menu that don't say what page you are going to until you put your mouse over them. Better yet, don't let your visitors know what page the link will take them to until they click it.
92) Get your visitors to believe that you offer a free service by putting that in your search engine descriptions, home page, and ads. Then when your visitors try getting your free service, let them know that you actually charge for it.
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WinningWays
Moderator
Joined: Eons Ago
# Posts: 3433
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Posted: 01/29/2003 04:13 pm
Somewhere along the line, the numbering system here fell apart -- we have #110 on the previous page...
#whatever) Make sure you open every single page of your site in a new window. That way, people will have to close all the other windows when they're done browsing your site, so they'll see more of your site and remember it.
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excell
Moderator
Joined: Mar 19, 2001
# Posts: 14502
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Posted: 02/03/2003 06:25 am
#102 Make it so that if someone is one your website they cannot use their favorites/bookmarks function, but stay on your site at all times.
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HaxMc
Joined: Eons Ago
# Posts: 13
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Posted: 02/16/2003 10:51 am
103. When registering, make sure the text field where they type in their desired password is always visable. That way, people watching you register will know your password.
104. When logging in, always make sure that when hitting TAB after typing in your username, that it jumps to some button or link that will make the user have to click in the password field.
105. Always be sure to use a DHTML menu. That way, when a user isn't looking, the menu will disappear! Leaving you more space.
106. Include wonderful banner ads that slide across the page. Also, make sure the close button doesn't appear until your ad is completely finished. This way, they can't view your content and get to listen to exciting music, flashy designs and be amazed by your product! After all, you make a whopping $0.005, get them to reload and maybe you can make a whole penny!
107. Make sure your navigation bar is all images, without ALT tags. Then, change the location of the images and don't update your HTML. This will be an adventure for the user.
108. Load the bottom or top of your page with keywords. This way, you can add millions of words that you couldn't have added before in your metatags.
109. Include some type of clipart picture and make it take up the entire screen.
109a. Make the clip art the entrance button to your website, but don't code the button as a link, only make the "Click anywhere to enter" a link.
110. Instead of making HTML pages, why not use PHP or CGI? This way, when a user is using your advanced navigation page system (?page=about_us) they will receive an Internal Server Error or better yet, loads of mumbo jumbo! (PHP failed to find @@mtmb /home/data/users/tbtb/public_html/data01/subform/process/t/
myfreenavigationsystem/unzipped/myfreenaviationsystem_unzipped/textfiles/mainsite/homepage/...)
111. Make your own genuine ebook image! It will sell much better.
[ Message was edited by: HaxMc 02/16/2003 12:52 pm ]
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nickn0783
Joined: Mar 26, 2002
# Posts: 1371
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Posted: 03/19/2003 01:56 am
<.html>
<.body>
<font size=4>UNDER CONSTRUCTION</font>
<./body
<.html>
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nickn0783
Joined: Mar 26, 2002
# Posts: 1371
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Posted: 03/19/2003 02:06 am
113. Have a directory with an 'add URL' link. When the user clicks the link present them with a HUGE form asking for completely unnecessary information that you'll never have to use. When the user has finally completed the form after a good 30mins+, do one of the following:
A) When the user clicks 'submit' present them with an error page because you have not coded properly. When the user clicks their back button to try again, ideally the data that they just spent 30 minutes on should disappear!
B) When the user clicks 'submit' they are actually clicking 'reset form'.
C) When the user clicks 'submit', take them through to a page asking them to pay $250 per annum for the listing. For maximum benifit make sure this fee is mentioned nowhere else on the site!! This is sure to rid your site of any potential customers.
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wheres_the_cpu
Joined: Eons Ago
# Posts: 1
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Posted: 05/09/2003 08:00 am
114.a) Display "Do you want to set this page as your homepage" message boxes each time the visitor reloads your page.
b) Use the CSS-filters for animated images with an fixed background. That makes your site extremly slow...
c) Popup tons of advertisments and crash to victims machine when SHIFT, ALT or CONTROL is pressed (to prevent the visitor from user keyboard shortcuts to view your source code).
d) Use java applets! Don't be sparse! This will make your homepage even slower...
e) Force the poor visitor to install spyware on his computer. Of course you make money on this spyware.
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excell
Moderator
Joined: Mar 19, 2001
# Posts: 14502
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Posted: 05/09/2003 08:35 am
{whispers.. with love Jim  }
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