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PCInk Joined: Sep 13, 2001
# Posts: 479
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Posted: 10/27/2001 09:35 am
Oops! Yes I missed a number out. (I nicked off school the day we were learning the 90's.) 101) Don't listen to your visitors good suggestions that would help improve their service to you and other members. 102) Crash the browser in the middle of a credit card transaction so you have no choice but to phone them. Could have done that in the first place! 103) Use IE transistions that freeze your browser while the next page fades in from a circle in the middle of the screen. (of course it would look better if the graphics had loaded on the second page before fading to it, but that would slow the page download down again) |
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hilaryjb Joined: Feb 24, 2001
# Posts: 23
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Posted: 11/09/2001 01:46 pm
Love this thread!  104) Use a left hand navigation frame, and preferably another one across the top of the screen as well. Now you are really in business... 104a) For anyone fool enough to use 800x600, there will be about 6 lines of content visible (if they scroll to the end of each one in turn - remember only devoted, hard-working visitors are welcome) 104b) Creative linking... it goes without saying that you should ensure all external links open inside the frame. Try to link to as many sites as possible that use the same fantastic frame structure, nestling happily inside yours, leaving a really cute postage-stamp-sized piece of screen for text. 104c) Advanced creative linking: ensure that a random selection of the navigation links in that narrow (non-resizable) LH frame open in the same frame... 105) Visitors have dangerous ideas. They might want to (hsst!) navigate for themselves, thus breaking the flow of your wonderful copywriting. Prevent this by writing long pages of BLATANT HYPE in a blend of bold, bright colours, etc. (Do not mention your price.) End your page with just half a sentence, so that they'll want to... (Or maybe go straight back to the search engine. But then they weren't qualified prospects, were they?) |
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Renoj Joined: Dec 14, 2001
# Posts: 1
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Posted: 12/14/2001 06:46 pm
The best way to irritate your visitors - at the time of opening any page of your website automatically fire some popup windows with some forms to register, with some banner, with some survey details etc... |
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ClickIt Joined: Jul 31, 2000
# Posts: 731
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Posted: 12/14/2001 08:29 pm
Use huge bold type to tell your visitors to "SEARCH FOR THE HIDDEN LINK TO FILL OUT THE FORM TO BE ELIGABLE FOR OUR FREE GIVE-AWAY!" Thats 1) find the hidden link 2) fill out the form 3) win the contest 4) collect the prize. Mind you, this 'contest' has no set time frame; it's a never-ending contest. Hence, no winners! Yeah, visitors really love hunting for your 1x1 pixel hidden link. You don't think they go to your site looking for actual information, much less to actually buy stuff! |
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moremusic Joined: Dec 05, 2001
# Posts: 23
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Posted: 12/17/2001 02:25 pm
Have floating Java Banners that gently come to rest in the middle of the page, right on top of any text your visitor might wish to read |
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Sinoed Moderator
Joined: Dec 11, 2000
# Posts: 5266
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Posted: 12/22/2001 07:56 pm
..embed audio in your newsletters so it messes up the people who just might happen to be listening to MP3's. |
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camtron Joined: Jan 07, 2002
# Posts: 1
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Posted: 01/07/2002 02:31 pm
This I thought was great to eliminate visitors. Have your page only viewable by Internet Explorer, then have a close window at the bottom of the page, click, your site is gone. |
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davaddavad Joined: Aug 02, 2001
# Posts: 928
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Posted: 01/15/2002 06:45 am
106 Make your navigation so that when the user clicks on a link it moves the navigation to different parts of the same page while your 12 meg image is downloading |
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charliecss Joined: Jan 26, 2001
# Posts: 364
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Posted: 01/15/2002 12:45 pm
107. Force visitors to visit 3 topsites and vote for you before entering |
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keeseldering Joined: Apr 03, 2001
# Posts: 225
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Posted: 01/27/2002 06:49 am
108. Sign totally off topic guestbooks with your URL to increase your linkpopularity. 109. Even better, use a bit of Javascript in your postings that pop-up a new window with a nice ad for your website. 110. Wine about being banned (wonder why |
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rentlist Joined: Jun 22, 2001
# Posts: 101
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Posted: 02/09/2002 05:07 pm
And make sure your email address is mistyped and does not work. |
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samtyler Joined: Feb 15, 2002
# Posts: 2
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Posted: 02/15/2002 01:58 pm
At the top of your page WARN visitors that they have a virus. This will make them close all fifteen pages and shut down four applications they had open doing some frivolous research or other. Then after they have spent four hours downloading the latest virus.dat file and doing a full system scan of all files on a 20Gig hard drive with seven partitions, they will come back to your page to see what is going on. When they return have some obscure and well disguised text link to another page that won't tell them, but will allow them to figure out that you really meant that they had some software installed that you just don't like. Here's the page. ps. I don't like it either, and despite my griping I'm glad to find out about it. Sam Tyler |
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samtyler Joined: Feb 15, 2002
# Posts: 2
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Posted: 02/15/2002 02:27 pm
RE: Popups Windows tip: alt-F4 will kill popups before they can even load the code for the next popup.  Careful though, it will kill any open window. Luck, SamT |
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AtWhatCost Joined: Mar 13, 2002
# Posts: 1
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Posted: 03/13/2002 09:06 am
I can't believe this bothers me only, but... --Make sure you have many very large graphics that take long to appear plus have nothing to do with the WebSite. |
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loy Joined: Jan 28, 2001
# Posts: 286
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Posted: 03/13/2002 11:04 am
Use required ActiveX (Java/Flash) in your checkout process ... but be sure that the fill-in forms still appear for people who have it turned off (like me). That way, when they type in all their info and finally checkout, it doesn't work after all. |
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damian44 Joined: Jun 29, 2002
# Posts: 2
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Posted: 06/28/2002 11:09 pm
I am definatley guilty of some of these things *hangs head in shame* but you forgot a basic one that i do inately: make sure that your html code displays on your browser properly but has so many errors on it you will never be found on ANY search engine :P anyone want to see my first commercial site to laugh at my ineptitute can veiw it at i promis to do something about the music |
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excell Moderator
Joined: Mar 19, 2001
# Posts: 14502
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Posted: 06/29/2002 12:03 am
Hiya damian44 welcome to the forums. Glad you enjoyed our little thread and thanks for bumping it up. It's a golden oldie and there is so much real information in it And yup your example was suitably annoying! Well done |
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DeeZign Joined: Feb 27, 2001
# Posts: 117
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Posted: 07/20/2002 10:49 am
I popped in here earlier to get the link for a new webmaster and was pleased to see the thread is still alive  Right now I'm checking out some program submissions for my freeware site and this 'gem' was among them!! You want to build an irritating site? This guy's got it down to a fine art
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loristro Joined: Jul 21, 2002
# Posts: 1
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Posted: 07/21/2002 03:24 pm
Become an affiliate for a piece of software (Gator is a good example of this). When people attempt to visit your site they will automatically be asked if they give permission to download the software. Those who hit yes by accident will love you even more when they spend a few minutes having to remove the program from their hard drive. To make it more interesting put it on every page. You're sure to get someone to download this program. |
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damian44 Joined: Jun 29, 2002
# Posts: 2
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Posted: 07/30/2002 12:57 am
try providing "netzany" to people this is very anoying and hard to remove software |
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)from Searchengine's in newsgroups using your signature with 5 links to your websites again. 
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