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yoogi
Joined: Apr 11, 2004
# Posts: 63
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Posted: 2004-Apr-18 18:42
The vistor has come to a page. You couldnt stop him reaching it. But you can stop him find another page on your site.
Underline the words you want to highliglicght. The visitor will try to click it and you decieved him. Now, make the text of links bold, and when the user tries to move his mouse over the link, now it becomed underlined. He will be confused whether to click or not.
Better still, have a bullet list and make the bullets as links. No one will click.
If he manages to click a link to another page on your site, make sure you open the link in new window.
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nickn0783
Joined: Mar 26, 2002
# Posts: 1371
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Posted: 2004-Apr-19 10:13
AAaaah this old chestnut 
116. When visitors click an outgoing link from your website, loading page in a new window is never enough!
In order to keep your website fresh in their minds, open the link with a frame header inc. your logo at the top (which cannot be closed). This frame may cause the other websites to not work properly, but it's a small sacrifice to pay for that lovely frame header...
also note: just incase the user tries to cut-out the start of your URL, put the slashes etc. in code format!
hotmail anybody? hey its MSN again 
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willo32
Joined: Eons Ago
# Posts: 96
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Posted: 2004-Apr-28 09:10
117. Allow users to sign up for a "Special Secret Area" of your website (Really just a .htacces protected area containing very little), send them a username and password (something insulting like U:fool P:idiot) and insure that they can never log in by not adding their details into the .htpasswd file. Oh, and then email them every week telling them how exciting and innovative the content inside the "Special Secret Area" is! muhahahaha
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Polka_Queen
Joined: Aug 02, 2002
# Posts: 8
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Posted: 2004-May-01 04:18
I couldn't help but to add a couple of my own to this excellent thread:
(118) To improve your average page views (from 2 to 3) in your image galleries, mess up the links from your thumbnails so that visitors really have to look for the full-sized image.
(119) Place Adsense ads on your sales page so when your visitor gets ready to drop money on your big-ticket item they can find places where they could be cheaper. Hey, a sure 7 cents beats a possible $1999 purchase any day!
(120) Let people view your Extreme Tracker stats for your very "successful and respected" sales site... That one visitor from Turkey last year was probably on to something.
(121) On your unsolicited customer testimonials page... Make sure only to list feedback from customers who have the same grammatical errors in their letters, and only list individuals with exotic names like: "Gertrude Schnasslingkopf" "Vitamin Harbinger III" and "James Bondner." Start off the list with a letter, which is signed off with: "This DUUUDE ROKS!"
(122) On your "about page" for your international web design company - make it perfectly clear that it's not just you in your mom's basement, so remember to add the line: "we are esperienced teem of web disgners and graphix artists." Dishonesty goes a long way!
(123) Ok, so you hired someone to design that state-of-the-art site, you hired someone to write the content, and it has convinced someone to buy! Now, I hope that the contact information is an email address that says HOTMAIL.COM - and starts off with, "ILOVEAGNES53562@"
(124) For your authority site, don't forget to include a picture of yourself in a Speedo, having an umbrella drink next to a small, rusty, above ground pool.
(125) You are it! Your hits are skyrocketing, and your PR suddenly goes off the toolbar... Yes, it’s time to introduce some banner ads for adult toys, and gambling! You wouldn't want to have more school districts linking to your website now, would you?
(126) Write clever page titles to sucker in kids to see your adult content... Hey, getting death threats, and getting your car "keyed" is just part of doing business on the Internet.
(127) Do have a hit-counter, so that people can tell that you don't care about the spelling mistakes on your pages, even after 12 billion visitors.
(128) On your contact page add the line: ...or call between 1 am and 1:20 am (ask for Rupert.)
(129) Write a good auto-responder for sales queries. Here is a suggestion: "WE'LL GET BACK TO YOU!!!!!! Alt. "WE'LL GET BACK TO YOU!!!!!! (WHEN I'M HOME FROM SKOOL!!!!!!)
(130) Add 69 affiliate links on your home page to your other sites so people may check out an additional one of your sites, just to make sure all link are pathetic. Hey, you need those hits to justify all those thousands of hours of stealing content, and implementing ads – Well; they do pay for the web hosting, and your monthly porno rental.
(131) Write irrelevant titles on all your 4000 thousand pages, hey, you have space to spare - and one of those random visitors must be interested in your imported, banana scented koala bear shampoo - No?
(132) Don't forget to duplicate your content with every insane spelling you can think of - someone is bound to mistype it: "hootell in Nu Jork." And when they do, they will be so impressed by your professionalism that they will book a stay immediately!
(133) Make sure you direct sales questions for "authentic" Swedish clogs to a phone number in India.
(134) Do hotlink! Nothing is more rewarding for a kid looking for Flower Wallpaper and coming across a "switched" image of some mean looking dude, taking a dump on his kitchen table. I’m sure it will make you sleep really well at night, knowing you are making the world a better place.
A JimGuide is welcome to edit any inapproprite language (I don't really post that much, and I'm not sure what "goes" or not.) 
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bloodxus
Joined: Dec 22, 2003
# Posts: 136
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Posted: 2004-Aug-04 16:14
(135) Of course you'll have your web site text content written in 5-10 different languages!
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tweak187
Joined: Dec 06, 2003
# Posts: 1
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Posted: 2004-Aug-04 18:29
(136) When writing web applications **Never** handle any exceptions. Users love seeing "Unhandled Exception...". Also make sure its full of lots of bugs. This increases the chances or errors.
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manuelbulgari
Joined: Aug 05, 2004
# Posts: 1
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Posted: 2004-Aug-05 10:17
you are the best...i agree 100% on your listing cause i'm a very irritable web surfer...
manuel
[url removed, please keep your site in your profile]
[ Message was edited by: JimBot 08/27/2004 12:24 pm ]
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someone123
Joined: Aug 25, 2004
# Posts: 1
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Posted: 2004-Aug-26 04:03
137- Make them fill a really long form that makes them waste a lot of time. At the beggining of it, say that they must be 18 or older to fill the form and continue. At the end of it, make them put their Date of Birth. Put the typical drop down menues where they can choose the date, month and year. In the year one, only put 2001 and 2002 as possible options. That way, they won't be able to continue because when they click continue, it will say that A) If they decided to not put anything in the year, that "You have to put your complete date of birth" or B) If they decided to put any of the two options, it will say that "Sorry, you can't continue because you're under age".
It's pretty annoying. It actually happened to me O_o
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wingson
Joined: May 01, 2005
# Posts: 1
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Posted: 2005-May-29 19:50
My favorite #1: post in this thread to give users the impression that you know what bad design is and making sure that users can check your profile (and your site) to discover that you have a 1 minute intro that you can't skip... (I don't make this up)
It's funny how some people mention dozens of mistakes you can make and when you go to their sites you'll find all kind of inspiration to make this thread even ten times bigger.
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2e2
Joined: Nov 09, 2005
# Posts: 6
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Posted: 2005-Nov-09 22:17
Finally,write a tutorials like these to help them ,and i found someone do so
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anewvision
Joined: Feb 13, 2001
# Posts: 100
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Posted: 2005-Dec-04 18:51
138) Make sure every other word is misspelled, that will keep them guessing
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g1smd
Staff
Joined: Jul 28, 2002
# Posts: 10438
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Posted: 2005-Dec-04 19:04
Oh man. Where did you find this thread?
Required reading for everyone methinks....
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formerskeptic
Joined: Oct 05, 2001
# Posts: 301
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Posted: 2007-Mar-28 09:11
139) Don't settle for simply disabling their right mouse button! Heck, go all the way and disable their "Alt & F11" keys as well. Let them be stuck staring at your (fullscreen) popup window till the cows come home.
140) My Personal Favorite: Hijack their default homepage and make sure it's LOCKED IN from the registry. Who cares if your visitors' kids had Cartoon Network as their homepage? Shouldn't they spread their horizons by viewing your "visual impairing" online casino every time they click on the "Blue E"?
141) By all means, INJECT at least a dozen adult affiliate links into their Favorites, without their knowledge. I mean, who else will access your site other than the internet newbie? The Gurus? I think not!
142) Use italic style fonts like Brush Script or Brush Stroke in ALL your content. Remember....we're going for the "kewl looking site dude" look.
143) Rave about how you're "down" with the big shots and don't include any references to back up your claims. It's your word against theirs...right?
144) If you really want them running for the hills, have your well designed, commercial site, hosted on free servers. Isn't it obvious that they should remember your site as www.geocities.com/how_to_irritate_customers/index.html?
145) Have your feedback form point to a "mailto:" tag rather than an action script. It's only fair that everybody have an (outlook express) email account set up on their puter while surfing the web from a cyber cafe.
146) If you DO have an action script in your feedback form (.cgi/.pl), DON'T give them ANY permission to execute that form much less read it. Let THEM figure out a way to crack into that 500 internal error's page.
147) Have your entire content embedded into javascript and forget about those bothersome no script tags. Those with javascript turned off can simply "guess" what your content is about from your domain name.
148) Embed your favorite 500MB, movie clip (from youtube) directly onto your homepage. Why give them the option of clicking on a link when you can ease the work load on their mouse clicking finger?
149) Once you've established good traffic flow, gained some recognition and online credibilty, DUMP your content and set up one of those popular *ppc directory* services. Let your visitors munch on that for a few months while you sit back and watch the money roll in.
150) Take over their status bar by advertising your animated domain name. Why would they want to know the location of your external links?
[ Message was edited by: formerskeptic 03/28/2007 04:29 am ]
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matrix11
Joined: Jul 03, 2007
# Posts: 5
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Posted: 2007-Jul-16 07:02
hi, nice way to greet
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david68
Joined: May 16, 2005
# Posts: 144
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Posted: 2007-Jul-16 17:24
You can solve some of those problems yourself. You won't get hijacked and what-not if you disable Active-X and Java - and gosh forbid, switch to Firefox.
The Javascript part - more and more sites are doing that, you can't see/use their content without it enabled. Why? Because you can't see google ads without it
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excell
Staff
Joined: Mar 19, 2001
# Posts: 14512
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Posted: 2007-Jul-17 17:34
Write everything in .NET and move all thought to Web 2.0, concentrate on RSS & social bookmarking and leave the web behind...that will fix them!
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Curt
Joined: Eons Ago
# Posts: 3736
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Posted: 2007-Aug-08 09:00
Just disable ActiveX—no need to disable JavaScript and yes use FireFox. JavaScript is not the bad guy, ActiveX is.
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